I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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