The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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