Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
