i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
