Sry I called you an 8
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
