Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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