So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
