she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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