Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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