THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
