You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My life is pants optional.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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