I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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