If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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