why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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