I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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