life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
