I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
