It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
