what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
