What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
