Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
