He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
