How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
