I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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