I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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