We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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