She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
