True but thats because hes a fetus.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize