I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i don't like sucking hair
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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