dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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