Porn is love you can see.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We just shotgunned beers for America
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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