I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize