"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
