My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
