I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
