since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
