Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
