Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My room smells like vodka and shame
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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