my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
this hospital has no fireball
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
