does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
