she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I could fuck to npr.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
