I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
