Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
