I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
look no pants
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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