How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
