did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
