it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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