No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
