Welp...herpes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
