i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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