after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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