she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
