ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
