thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
