Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
