break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
