your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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