Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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