You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
