i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
