We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
