Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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