y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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