Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i believe in u and ur pee
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