Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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