a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
