I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
