you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
