I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's just like the Real World with babies
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
