sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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