no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
