need another drink. this is the easiest way
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
