That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
