dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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