She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
