ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And then he peed in my hair
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