We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
