I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
