Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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