she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
