i just google imaged poop.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
