He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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