I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
