Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
