i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
