Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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