So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize