Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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