Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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