Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize