Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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