I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
