who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize