Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
