ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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