Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
