Screwed.edu
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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