i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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