Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
