I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize