Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
